This is a theoretical question, but one that I am intrigued about. Do you really know if you are going crazy? Mental Health has never been my family’s strength and I’m left wondering how do I know if I am being overwhelmed by the tides of reality?
Terry stated a month or two ago that it sounds like I’m getting burnt out. I didn’t reply to her comment because I honestly don’t know.
I enjoy my work, I am constantly reminded that I am loved, but…Does everyone find happiness as elusive as I do? Or do I just don’t know how to be happy with what I got?
On a professional side, I seem to be doing ok (well not financially, but who uses that as an indicator of success). I’m respected, sometimes even looked up to, but I always ask: Why!? I really don’t do anything. I talk the big talk, I throw out jargon like it was confetti, and I read the titles and italics of reports and use that to make thesis statements. But in the end what do I contribute?
On the personal side, I have family and friends that truly love me, care for me, and support me unconditionally, but why am I always running away from them? Why do I sabotage every relationship I’ve ever been in? Ricky once said that I was not meant to settle down. Maybe he’s right, was I a nomad in a previous life trying to reclaim the open land in a globalized world?
Honestly, I just think I’m PMSing right now. Too much introspection resulting from a hormonal roller-coaster. I have been feeling kind of dark lately, not the usual peppy Andy – which in moments of self pity I wonder which one is the true me?
Ok enough doom and gloom, it’s unbecoming of a bullshit artist.
This day forth I am promising to make an effort to blog more regularly again. Maybe some more frequent mental haemorrhaging into cyber-space will prevent these creepy thoughts from re-surfacing.
2 comments:
Sounds like you need one of these :-)
Belated welcome back
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